Sunday, March 06, 2005

felt like undating this blog for a while. actually i am feeling quite moody now. so different from how i was feeling yesterday. so hyper and everything. really lost. i mean i am very unsure how to handle my life now. seriously i am qute upset by that. cuz i can't decided what my prioities are. the options are
1. my school work
2. my own revisions
3. softball trainings
4. my social aka frens

i am freaking out. next week in the march holidays and that means the carnival is just less than a week away. what the fck. and i am not catching up with my work. i intend to tell simon straight in the face that i copied my homework and i am not coping and i am in deep shit and ask him for mercy and blah blah blah.. i hope i survive this. then i have to go to miss tie and beg for mercy and ask her to reteach me central banking and money. i am so fucking dead. i am not even sure if she will teach me. i have to literally beg her lah..

fuck my life man. it is totally spinning out of control again.. hope all goes well. i have so many plans with regards to my studies but softball? i dunnoe.. my mom was like telling me cca is not important but it is to me. my frens are telling me not t put in too much for ur cca cuz at the end of the day ur grade will suffer and u are gg to cry over spilled milk. and nothing that u do can turn back time. who the hell will care about how u did for softball. and it is not like the team was al the fantastic and u guys are gg to win some sb championship.. even the coach says that it would be a tough match. you are probably going to kill yourself.

oh i am in such a dilemma.. i only have so little time.. how am i ever gg to get thru this period. i wanna make the best of it and not screw it up. i really dun want to..

-----------------------------------------------------------
jaded out
@ |4:43 PM|
Sunday, December 19, 2004

haha i am back. saw alot of new blogskins that were really nice and wanted them as my own so i decided to change the template of this old one.. i really like this one.. nicole kidman so pretty. and yes, she is a very elegant woman. just look at her in moulin rogue. will probably crap here once in a while.. =)_

-----------------------------------------------------------
jaded out
@ |10:31 PM|
Monday, November 01, 2004

ha. i have updated my blog. http://imwatchingu.blogspot.com

-----------------------------------------------------------
jaded out
@ |11:06 PM|
Sunday, October 31, 2004

i am so SAD!!! urgh. ok i bought my new glove but it's not the colour i wanted.. my god. you know what the sales lady said? she said they no longer sell it anymore. oh my. you could hear my heart breaking. it's like i went into the shop then i saw all the gloves and i couldn't spot the one that i wanted. then i asked the lady and she said no stock and they are not selling it no more.. AAAHHHHH!!!! *sobz* this is devastating lah. how could this even happen to me. it's only been 6 months since i last when there. how come so fast one. went there the other time and there were still around 10 bluish grey ones left on the shelf.... why no more le......UUUUUUUURRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!

sigh~ my old glove is still in working condition but i am not sure it may last me till next year given the fact that i would be using it intensifly in the next year. so even if the glove is not there anymore, i bought another one. it's the same model but light brown. i am PRAYING it's not the same as rayson's. urgh i am totally heartbroken. i really am. even though i got a new glove. i could't get the one i wanted. i saved really hard for the past few weeks to reach $155. at least i got some money left. $15. you know normally if you have been anticipating something. then when it finally comes you would be super duper happy? well i don't feel that way now. i have been feeling blue every since the saleslady told me no more. i think i will never smile again. oh, the pain. ouch ouch ouch

going to buy shin guard. saw some at the shop ard $25. hmm. maybe tml go shopping with dad call him to buy one for me. then my shoes. u know what i think nike shoes are damn low quality. or maybe it's just the way i use the shoe. the soles are wearing out damn fast. i can predict by the end of the year, i would be going to buy another pair. hm lookingofr new hp too. hee hee. my bro can change his model soon. hm. i think i shall wait for a while before i go buy a new phone. i saw angela's phone god it's pretty. hm. i think i would have saved enough by next year, after a levels to buy it. would prolly be mugging so much i wun have the chance to shop.

hm. yeah that's my latest resolution. i will save as much money and not ask mom for money when i need to buy things. this will start with effect from today - after i have gotten my shin guard. so in future, my handphones, shoes watever i will PAY. so.. i had better start saving again. my bank account is almost zero.

-----------------------------------------------------------
jaded out
@ |2:44 PM|

hmm. boring boring. i don't know what i want lah basically. now all i am going to do is just give my best for everything. really sick of alot of stuff. confused and sometimes simply irritated. urgh. haha i think my mood swings are back again.

hee hee. yesterday was a good day cuz haha mc said i was not bad. that was in the beginning of training.. haha then later everyone caught up lah. =P haha yesterday was really a good day. did bunting then base running. heehee i didn't screw up. well maybe abit but. yeah. i was CONCENTRATING. hmm. glad i am no longer distracted by some ppl.=P when to watch the match at kallang. it was ok. saw a nice lady pitching hee so cool. k she shall be my idol. going kallang did watch much. well at least i am not a person who likes to watch matches. it was more like a chance for me to go and throw and pitch. haha oops.

haha pitching too! improved le. wahaha damn happy. it's be damn long since i last saw any of my pitches going straight into the glove. haha i am damn prouded. prolly my pitching style changed so yeah.. would probably go for the pitcher/catcher training on mondays. wah it's going to be xiong but i will pull through yeah yeah. haha enough of my rumblings about softball...

those idiots in class are really irritating arh. you irritating buggers. keep laughing about my optional trainings. DUN HAVE OPTIONAL TRAININGS ANYMORE LE LAH.

-----------------------------------------------------------
jaded out
@ |9:43 AM|
Tuesday, October 26, 2004

when out win-shopping. note win shopping. only spent money on food. sigh of cuz come to think about the money i am about to spend for softball. sigh~ bag $45. shirt $28 x 2. cap $15. that would add up to a hefty $100. and i just managed to save $110 lah. i want the $155 glove lah. =) and my ball.. haha my ball is like sch ball le. sigh~ damaged.. hee hee. u know what i intend to do? i will kop one of the sch leather balls and swap it with mine! am i smart? haha i don'think i would do that though.. prolly just a tot.

hm. wasted my time away haha. today not really fruitful. went walking ard orchard looking for the team shirt. then the bags and cap. oh well. sorta got the idea what we want. hm. didn't go to sch today haha. the intention was to skip KCT tutorial. wake up at 7. then leave the house at 7.30 reach sch at 8.30 in time to change for pe. haha but. erm. hee hee i did woke up at 7. then i didn't get out of bed so i ended up sleeping till 11.30. oops. haha. what a pig =P

haha was thinking about what positions i wanna play. then realised i got no preferred positions. ya. i got train for pitcher lah. but catcher. i dunnoe leh. my reaction slow. someone ball snese not very good. i like 1st base but i think this time ard MC might not put me there to play. hm. aiyah i anything lah. i will take any position one. hm. oh did i mention i am suddenly afraid of balls. urgh. die. die die. why like that. i also dunnoe why leh. i suddenly realised.. wah that is really disater lah..

must have been bryan's ball. i see then i never go for the ball though it was very near to me. cuz the bal really very fast. i scared. die le lah. how can scared of ball one... urgh~ nightmare. maybe i see more of the pitching machine balls then use to fast ball. then i not scared le. hopefully.

-----------------------------------------------------------
jaded out
@ |10:49 PM|
Saturday, October 23, 2004

haha i feel happy today. wait. i feel happy these few days. perhaps it is because i have been enlightened. yupz. i have now got a new approach to things.

haha. the biggest problem with me would be i am too impatitent. yup. i am. haha. oh well nothing to blog. everyoneis having their pw. well.. i am idleing. waiting for them to end. so i can have some fun. yup.

-----------------------------------------------------------
jaded out
@ |8:34 PM|
Wednesday, October 20, 2004

hm. nothing to blog about. so didn't blog. presently not in my PMS mood. at least not since monday i think. haha. yeah. i think i think too much and worry over nothing. yeah. stupid me. and i realised i talk too much. i tried to reduce. and what u get is those teapots. you know. u try to keep the steam in and as a result, the pressure just causes the kettle to burst? yeah. keep it in too much and you get the idea.. =(

sigh. losing interest in studies. didn't pay attention in class today. sigh. how leh. aiyoyo. need to borrow notes from other people for math.

hm. i am not sure what i want in life. i want to be myself. but i want to change my unwanted traits. uh would that mean i am going to change myself. would old friends see me and think: hey how come yuhua's changed? hm dilemma. bleah.

-----------------------------------------------------------
jaded out
@ |10:38 PM|