Tuesday, June 29, 2004

sighz~ life is finally smooth and wonderful. haha.. yesterday i had a wonderful sleep. from 10 till 5. 7 hours.. that's not bad, given the fact that i hardly had any sleep the night before. i think my insomina is getting really ridiculous.. wth. anyway, i think i am not going to sleep so much tonight cuz must rush to finish my holiday homework.. wahaha. my 36 ji not done, then my history test 4. then 3 of miss tie's tutorial.. must hurry the tutorials. cuz i have a sneaky feeling she will want them soon. she likes 3 alot, cuz she likes to repeat her words thrice. EAT EAT EAT! GIGGLE GIGGLE GIGGLE! LEARN LEARN LEARN! wth.. so 3 tutorials, she will have us hand in the work to be marked. lets see if i am correct...

wahaha got back all my test results today. GP: 28/50 MATH: 32/50 CHINESE: 63.5/50 ECONS: 55/100 HISTORY: 31/50. not bad, not bad. haha..haiz GP and ECONS must buck up. wahaha anyway, shall have to chiong for PROMO. so early. ya, cuz mc will increase/intensify training in the 3rd term. and hw is going to pile up cuz everyone is going to HURRY HURRY HURRY!! [when miss t pronounces it, it sounds more like hairy hairy hairy..]

haha then today we had class games and i don't know why since sch reopened, i have been laughing myself silly. yesterday i was super lame lah, and crappy maybe cuz i damn tired. pe ran 8 rounds, from the outside to the inside. then today we played class games. we played captains ball and it was damn funny. we are not supposed to run with the ball. then there was one point when zhuying got the ball and wanted to throw the ball. then she was holding the ball above her head and running around trying to find someone to throw the ball to. everyone saw it and laughed their heads off.. benja and josh were literally rolling on the ground in laughter..haiz. damnit lah. she is just plain goofy. haha and i keep hitting faizal's head haha i really dun understand why lah..

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jaded out
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Thursday, June 24, 2004

crap crap crap. haiz, feeling quite sianz today. really feel kinda tired seh. drank too much tea last night. or maybe the tea to powerful liao.. today the whole day got headache, i spend like nearly half the day napping. napping is the best medicine for headaches k. trying quite hard to finish homework but i realy don't have the will to do it. i have only done gp the whole day. so not productive. but wth, i don't care. shall enjoy the last of my holidays.

alamak, wednesday's friendly at fajar was a failure k. not a single j1 girl went. jasmine had her birthday party, chinya had the semina, patsy and baoyue had lesson, suling was not feeling well, and zoe.. well i don't know why she didn't go. wth. sianz leh. i rushed down in a CAB!! you know how expensive anot, i tot some would have gone for the training. crap lor. feeling angry and disappointed lahz. just pray that it does not carry on like that. and hopefully they will be more consistent in terms of trainings. but i have a feeling they will be torn between softball and guides. then i think next year jj will have no softball girls team. yeah, if i beome captain, [the possiblity is quite high given the small numbers (-_-'')] i think i will just be a figure head lah, no real powers and stuff. woohoo~ wonderful~ aiyah don't want to care so much liao. thinking so much would only make me depressed.

anyway school reopens soon. wth time passes so fast. i think i got alot of work not done yet. crap crap crap. wth.

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jaded out
@ |10:51 PM|
Monday, June 21, 2004

waaahhhhzz. *beams* finally got a chance to hang out and have lunch with the family today. parents free only on mondays and i always have lessons and training on mondays... crap. anyway, got to eat lunch and even went to purchase a new car!! woohoo~ toyota pinic dulex rocks!!! wahaha wanted dad to buy the white one but they think siliver is nicer. so . =( but still the car is nice. wahaha i aim to drive that soemday. haha but maybe not. he says he will buy a new one for me if i get my driver's licence.. wahaha i am so waiting for that day to come.

the hellish 2 days of carnival are over. finally. kaoz. working at the carnival was tough lah.. but the perk was the joy ride and the final mad rush for free soft toys. haha quite ugly lah. wonder how much they mad. haha a few of us are gushing over fuzhi's new found manliness.. haha like felicia said, the way he work is so man! agree, agree.

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jaded out
@ |9:27 PM|
Wednesday, June 16, 2004

hi hi hi hi hi hi =) hee hee. i am smiling again... wahahaha. so drastic right, the change in mood. yar. i am a happy girl again. had trainng today and coach say i improved woohoo~ happy happy.. actually got nothing much to do today. went for lesson. did cip. then go for training, had dinner then now i am in front of the computer. wahaha slacking away.. don't really feel like doing my econs homework. got to complete all the past tutorial worksheets that i have yet to do.. oops.. wahahah.. happy again. not feeling blue anymore. waiting for things to happen cuz i think life in the holidays are quite boring.. don't know why. sadded seh.. haiz. wahz my soles are very painful. and so are my calfs. must be because of all the batting.. but then my thighs are not hurting leh. diao. hurting at the wrong places i think.. hey hey. new muscles aching. left arm.. a good sign that i am actully batting correctly? hmm.. maybe maybe.. haha hope this continues. and DON'T COCK UP FOR TRAINING ANYMORE!!

kaoz. saturday and sunday would be booked cuz have to go for the metta carnival thingy.. just did the banner today. haha quite fun lah. but i wonder.. i don't think i like the carnival thingy.. haha i don't like to do this kind of things. for the two whole days, i will be there. what is becoming of my life. sad leh. i want to enjoy this weekend one.. sit at home and rest. i thought i could do that. but i was WRONG. haiz fated lah. never mind still got 3 days before the holiday ends. those 3 days no need to go to school. 24, 25 .. yupz. must treasure these precious few days. school reopens and that is IT! must slave again. *sighz* don't end don't end..

actually so fast and half a year has past. the j2 would soon be going for their A levels. my year one would soon come to an end and i would have to move on to another stage - finally . i wonder how they are coping.. i see them like all very stressed.. hey if u guys are reading this... jia you and endure!!! only six months more and the shit is over!!! if you are sad can come look for me!! yeah?

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jaded out
@ |9:32 PM|
Tuesday, June 15, 2004

little fish
just got up from lyiing in bed, just thinking. my brain has been doing alot of reflection these days.. gotta say i feel lethargic. there are so many things that i am doing, just for the sake of doing it. there seems to be no meaning in whatsoever that i am doing. i am aimless once again.

i am just like a small fish swimming in the deep blue sea - impossible to see where the bottom is and surrounded by blue emptiness. with no one and nothing to guide, i am lost with no direction. in fear i swim - everything so remote and alien to me. the more i swim, the more i seem to doubt myself. am i swimming in the right direction? will it lead me to where i want to go? swimming and swimming; waiting and waiting for the sign from above to guide me .it doesn't seem to end and i feel weary...

crap.. i feel so blue. it'so so sucky. i cannot imagine training without the team. in fact, i can't imagine life without everyone else. i am feeling detached from every single person i have known for my entire life. every single friend that i have made in my 18 years of life will be preparing for their a levels. they are all so busy, some struggling to make it in the end. i cannot bring myself to add on to their problems by telling them mine.

there is a shift our timetable. in 6 months time, they will graduate and be free. they would go backpacking, go to the beach, do all sorts of things and enjoy life. meanwhile, i will still the stuck here, left behind. being retained seemed to have turned my life 360 degrees. Urgh.. but too bad. i can't turn back the hands of time. have got to move on. hopefully things would soon change for the better...

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jaded out
@ |8:30 PM|
Saturday, June 12, 2004

Stand By Me - Ben King

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No, I won't be afraid
Oh, I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me, so

* Darling darling stand by me
Oh, stand by me
Oh stand, stand by me, stand by me
If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
Ot the mountain
Should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No, I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand
Stand by me, and
(Repeat * 2 times)

Whenever you're in trouble
Won't you stand by me, oh stand by me

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jaded out
@ |10:35 PM|

hmm.. yesterday went to sentosa with 04a2. tomorrow will be going with the softballers. then on the 23rd, it's with 03a1. wahhh so many trips to the beach. i wonder what colour i would be by the end of this holidays. hmm but i wonder if i can make it for the one with 03a1.. that day got training. damnit.. skip training.. haiz cannot lah.. they dun have locker...URGH. must be a good example. cannot skip. damn. it's so tough being good.

yesterday was damn hot lah. i was sitting in the sun and half of the face felt very very hot and kinda painful. haha tot i was sunburnt on one side but thank god it was not. that would be like so weird, one side darker than the other. hmm i would want to invest in an sun tan lotion. hee hee.. skin goes dark with minimal side effects!!

yesterday ppl who went were yonghui, fuzhi, kiaxiang, ben ang, felicia, elieen and sister, sarah, jiaxin and me. very little people hor. haiz kinda sad. haha still i enjoyed myself and sort of got myself tanned.

then yesterday leow asked the class 2 questions. what do you aim to do in future? i wanted finance; something in business. then he said what was our ambition when we were young. i could not really answer him. i suppose all i wanted when i was young was to study and make good grades and make my parents happy. did not have much in mind. hmm.. oh well.

today my mom commented about how busy i was these days. unlike last year. it sort of got me thinking. why huh? i can't really tell why. it seemed such a daze. well, trainings made up quite a big chuck of the time. time table kind sucked. i suppose i spent too much time online talking to shawn. wahaha too bad. well seriously, i am quite busy with homework. more serious now. hope i don't become a super mugger and forget what life should be like. something other than books and studies..

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jaded out
@ |9:46 PM|
Friday, June 04, 2004

vanessa williams - colours of the wind

You think you own whatever land you land on
The earth is just a dead thing you can claim
But I know ev'ry rock and tree and creature
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned ?
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain ?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind ?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind ?

Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest
Come taste the sun-sweet berries of the earth
Come roll in all the riches all around you
And for once, never wonder what they're worth

The rainstorm and the river are my brothers
The heron and the otter are my friends
In a cirle, in a hoop that never ends

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
Or let the eagle tell you there he's been
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain ?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind ?
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind ?

How high does the sycamore grow ?
If you cut it down, then you'll never know

And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon
For whether we are white or copper-skinned
We just sing with all the voices of the mountain
Need to paint with all the colors of the wind
You can own the earth and still
All you'll own is earth until
You can paint with all colors of the wind

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jaded out
@ |4:16 PM|

Destiny's child - emotions

It's over and done
but the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world
to hold me tight
Don't cha know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Don't you know there's nobody left in this world
to hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my soul
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Nobody left in this world
to hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

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jaded out
@ |4:02 PM|

hm. just came back from the library to borrow some chinese books for hw. pleasntly surprise i actually found 2 in half an hour. used to have to go thru the chinese section 2,3 times before i find something. wanted to stay at Mac to study, then it was too cold, i didn't bring the batteries for my discman. and most importantly, i dunnoe how to do the homework. so yup. decided to go home and sleep and read the books i just borrowed.

then for trainng yesterday, we played quite a few games. water bomb and some game with the tennis ball. haha we had a fun wet time. hr tried very hard to stay dry but he eventually got wet with all the help of MC, theodric and me!! and elda and jingyuan i think.. they got him wet a little 1st. then MC and theodric caught him off guard.. haha too bad too bad..haha spotted something yesterday.. kaoz.. it was wet games mah so sure will get wet lor. then some colours of clothings can be quite transparent when wet so.. erm.. feel so paiseh thinking about it lor. wah lau. haiz..

yesterday was the softball dinner. elda was kinda pissed in the early stages cuz everyone like 'fang ta ge zhi' then didn't wana go for the dinner. then sam was sick and didn't wana go too.. but i think she felt bad not going cuz elda was already quite pissed.. hmm. oh well. dunnoe dunnoe. actually, the dinner was quite sucessful i think 20 out of 30 participants came. haiz sian didn't bring film then went to buy. then in the end, short of cash. then had to ask wen hui to help me pay 1st. haiz. then theodric wanted to take cab. wahaha and i of cuz, had no cash with me so... wahaha =P kaoz. feel so bad (-_-'') what ever happened to my bank account. oh yar. paid the photos first and ended up paying most of it. ppl scattered. could not collect money. *sobz* i shall never see my money again.

hm back to the events yesterday. after dinner some of us wanted to go somewhere to talk cock and do nothing. we went to one of the multi story carparks ard jp then sat there to play 'zhong ji mi ma'. haha MC wanted so deperately to eko lost.. but he always very lucky. but still patience pays cuz in the last round.. eko finally got it. haha and he had to finish an entire can of mixed drinks. *puke - the taste sux* i dunnoe why but the guys like to strip eko. haha he was sabotaged again yesterday. they pulled down his pants and i think his underwear as well. in the end i let MC use my cam to take 2 pictures of his butt. haha we were all laughing like nobody's business.

after that we all sat down to listen to dirty jokes. wahaha eko sure has got alot on his brain. we all laughed quite abit. i luagh until i coughed.. oh well it was overall a wonderful day. thumbs up.

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jaded out
@ |3:22 PM|